6 Hacks for Working With Children (September Editor's Note)

School has started and the holiday season looms in the U.S., which means stress, travel, and seeing family from out of town. If you are child-free but there are children in your family, holidays can be a mixed bag. Kids can be great, but they can also be overwhelming, especially if you aren’t used to them.

I love hanging out with kids. While I am child-free by choice, I have friends and family with some pretty amazing kids.

Over the years I have learned some principles of child development and behavioral management. These principles help me to plan well for my time with children, and to stop a lot of issues before they arise. These principles also help me stay calm and compassionate when things go sideways.

Note that I have no formal training in child work, I am not a parent, and there are many more theories and principles of child development, some of which undoubtedly conflict with the principles I use. Note also that these practices don’t always work, I’m not always a good planner or personally well-regulated, and my times with kids aren’t always smooth.

These are the concepts that GENERALLY work FOR ME. I can’t guarantee that they will work for you and any kids you care for. I am simply a beggar showing other beggars where I found some bread.

The kids that I work with have a good time when:

Their bodily needs for rest, food, water, and regular bathroom breaks are met,
They know what to expect,
They have time to adjust,
They get to make their own choices, and
They can try new things without fear of failure

The kids I work with have a bad time when:

Expectations don’t match reality,
They are held to rules or standards that no one told them about,
There is no way to convey fear, anger, or sadness without getting into trouble,
They can’t take care of their bodies by taking a break, resting, eating, or using the bathroom,
They don’t have choices, or
Their thoughts or ideas aren’t listened to

Here’s how I would apply this to a child’s coloring session:

dad watching her daughter make a christmas letter — Photo by cottonbro on Pexels.com

Check for hunger, fatigue or bathroom needs first.
Make all acceptable coloring materials obvious and within reach; discuss coloring behavior that is ok (coloring paper) and not ok (coloring couch, clothes, floor, or anything else that is not paper).
Discuss with child how long the coloring will last, how they will know the session is almost over, and how they will know that it is actually over (I like the use a phone timer with a sound that the child has picked out).
Engage with child about what they’re drawing, like their color choices, but refrain from making suggestions unless asked (let them color red trees and green skies!)
Accept within myself and reassure child that there is no wrong way to color. As long as they are following expectations (see #2 and #3), coloring is open for however they want to express themselves.