It’s hard to be assertive when you hate yourself.
Years of undiagnosed ADHD had obliterated my self-esteem. The things I told myself on a daily (hourly, by the minute…) basis were awful. I thought I was absolute garbage. How do you register when people are being rude or taking advantage when you’re in that state? Nothing that others said to me was anywhere near as horrible as what I said to myself.
It took my friends’ reactions to the ways I had been treated for me to realize that something was wrong.
I wanted to be treated better. But my spirit was eviscerated, and I couldn’t trust my own judgement. So I used my friends’ judgement instead. For over a year, I evaluated how people treated me by asking myself, “How would Jersey Friend react to this? What would Fighter Friend say about this?”
You deserve an advocate. If your voice isn’t strong enough right now, you can borrow someone else’s.
Whose fighting voice can you put in your head while you grow strong enough to fight for yourself?
I totes get this where do you find friends like that? I’m not sure my friends would keep it real like that. I think I have good judgement but it takes me so long to remember what I want to say. Can you make that part better like speed it up?
Those are both really good questions Kyleigh.
Getting good friends takes time, and sometimes we outgrow people.
In the meantime, who is your favorite celebrity? Imagine that they are your bestie. How would they react to someone being mean to you? (I like to picture Lady Gaga, bc if she were my bestie she would get in someone’s face if they were mean to me.)
If you can’t think of what to say in the moment…YOU CAN SAY IT LATER. And if you feel weird because a lot of time has passed…YOU CAN SAY THAT TOO. “Hey Friend, a couple of weeks ago you said ___. I really don’t like that. Please don’t do it again. And yeah I know it’s weird to bring this up now. Standing up for myself is hard, so it took me a while to get my thoughts together.”
If your friend listens and respects what you said, awesome, they are a good friend. If they are mean about what you said, you are allowed to spend waaaaay less time with them.
I hope this helps!