Sometimes you want something, but you’re afraid you’re asking too much. So you keep your needs to yourself.
I used to do this. I knew how hard it was for me to say “no” to anyone. Instead of learning how to say “no,” I kept myself from asking for anything.
This is not a good policy!
Everyone is allowed to say “no.”
You are allowed to say “no” to other people, and other people are allowed to say “no” to you.
But what if you’re an empathetic person, and you worry that someone won’t be able to tell you “no”?
Solution: Invite the “no.”
When I give someone permission to tell me “no,” I feel comfortable asking for almost anything.
Examples that I have used recently:
- Can you rearrange your workspace for me to use while I visit? “No” is a fine answer!
- Can the kids use washable paints on the deck? “No” is a fine answer!
- Can I pay for lunch with my points credit card and you pay me back? “No” is a fine answer!
- Can I borrow your car while I wait for mine to be serviced? “No” is a fine answer!
My “invite the ‘no'” phrase is “‘no’ is a fine answer!” What phrase feels right to you?
Pick the phrase you want to use to “invite the ‘no'” and
Make an ask today that feels too big
Further exploration: This podcast episode from Hidden Brain called “The Influence You Have.”
