People Want to Help You

Most people want to help. They just don’t want to get trapped.

Show them that you’ve gotten started, that you’ve taken a step, a risk, or a leap. It doesn’t have to be big.

People respond to effort and enthusiasm.

Before I had learned to manage myself, when my ADHD was out of control, showing enthusiasm worked for me. I was meeting with someone who could fund or not fund the job I wanted. The way my heart was pounding and my insides were clenched, I’m amazed I got the words out. “I love these people,” I said, “I’m going to work with them whether I’m paid to or not.”

As soon as I left his office, the man whom I was talking to, whom I’d been slightly terrified of, started making phone calls. He raised my salary in two weeks. He became a crucial friend, mentor, and advocate in my life.

Before he did that work, he wanted to know that I was invested. He didn’t need to see a plan or proof, even though he was calling in favors. He needed to see enthusiasm, a spark. He wanted to add his fire to a flame that was already lit.

Comedian Chris Rock talks about getting people to help you:

I used to have horrible cars, because I never had money, so I’d always end up broken down on the highway. When I stood there trying to flag someone down, nobody stopped. But when I pushed my own car, other drivers would get out and push with me. If you want help, help yourself—people like to see that. 

Chris Rock, talking to Oprah

People want to help you; make it easier by giving them something to join in on.

Effort, enthusiasm. Both are welcoming, both are contagious.

What do you need help with? Show some enthusiasm or some effort to another person. See if they want to hop on.