Start Saying “High Cost” Instead of “I Hate Doing That”

In this article, I will explain the label High Cost and how it can help your self-concept.

What Is High Cost to You?

What activity disproportionately drains your energy or activates your anger?

Think of something that:

• Is seemingly small but fills you with dread,
• You spend longer avoiding than you would have spent doing,
• Is unpleasant on a good day but undoable on a bad day,
• You struggle with but your peers seem to do easily, or
• Can completely derail your day if it happens out of the blue

What Does High Cost Mean?

Whatever activity came to mind is “high cost” to you. Every activity we do has a cost, which is another way of saying it takes energy. Grocery shopping, playing with children, and answering emails all take mental, physical, or emotional energy.

But the energy that it takes is different for different people. An activity that takes a lot of energy for you is high cost.

Think of being around children. You probably know one person who loves kids and another person who does not like kids. A person who loves kids can be around multiple children, even chatty, hyper, messy children, and not feel depleted. It doesn’t drain their energy (it may even increase their energy). For the person who does not like kids, even being around one well-behaved child is high cost, because it depletes them. It has a disproportionate drain on their mood and energy.

Some examples of high cost activities:

• For me, shared responsibility + unclear expectations in childcare. I would rather be 100% responsible for kids with no other adults around than be one of several adults with no clear expectations.
• Play-Doh sets some moms’ teeth completely on edge
• Interruptions
• Small talk
• Meetings
• Grocery shopping
• Writing emails
• Phone calls
• Hand-washing clothes

How the “High Cost” Label Can Help You

Do you blame, guilt, or shame yourself about your high cost activities?

“Why can’t I…,” “It’s not that hard…,” “Why are you so bad at this,” “Everyone else can do this,” are blame/guilt/shame phrases. Are any familiar?

It’s crucial for us to use the label “high cost,” because it increases our self-awareness and extends grace.

For self-awareness, your disproportionate anger or fatigue at certain activities suddenly makes sense when you realize that those activities are high cost to you.

“High cost” is grace-filled, because it is the opposite of self-blame. The term has a neutral, third-party vibe. When you say, “I’m bad at this,” you’re describing a personal character flaw. But when you say, “This is high cost,” you’re making an objective, almost budgetary, statement.

You don’t have to feel flawed or abnormal about your struggle to answer unsolicited phone calls, hand-wash clothes, or go to parties. That activity just costs you more than it does other people.

Remember, “should” has no place here. It doesn’t matter if a task “should” be easy. If it depletes you, it is high cost.

Give yourself permission to name what is high cost to you.

Try One Thing:

ACKNOWLEDGE TO YOURSELF ONE ACTIVITY THAT IS HIGH COST TO YOU

This is part one of the High Cost/Low Cost series. Stay tuned for part two!

Related

Lead to Win Podcast: Episode #190 4 Simple Rules for Effective Delegation

Tune in at time 16:55 for a business perspective on high cost tasks (which they call “the drudgery zone”). The hosts talk about high cost in such a pragmatic way: delegate your high cost tasks, because they’re keeping you from being efficient and making the company money!